The New Dad Schedule and Work-Life Tension

Real talk about the first 2-3 months of your child's life and going back to work

This is for the new dad — first time or second, third, or fourth, like me.

This is my perspective on what the first 2-3 months are like trying to be a helpful dad and husband while balancing back to work responsibilities. It’s a tension I’m very mindful of.

There’s a fun bit of “everything matters” because I get to be a present dad or make money all the time.

But the flip side is that I often feel like I’m not doing anything very well. I can’t be with my family as much as I think they need me to be — and I don’t work as much as I want to in order to grow the business.

The solution is communication — with your wife and boss, business partner, and/or clients. Setting expectations and being willing to make changes when needed.

Communication has been my biggest lesson the past two months, whenever I have these conversations — even when they’re hard — family and work life both get a little clearer.

---

I’m writing this at 11:37pm, fresh off a 20 minute “nap” next to my baby girl. I wanted to write a quick overview of my schedule this week, since I’m starting back at work, albeit part-time. Here’s what I’m doing to get back in the groove of work, help my wife as much as I can, and get a bit of sleep around the edges.

Note: this is not advice, it’s just what I’ve done for the first several weeks of my kids’ lives. It’s also not exact. Some days I’ll sleep until 7:00am along with everyone else, or don’t do any work at night because I’m too tired. But this is the goal.

• 6:00am — Wake up, read, journal, answer emails

• 7:00am — Kids up, make breakfast, etc

• 9:00am — Drop kids off at YMCA and work in the lobby

• 10:30am — Workout

• 11:00am — Pickup kids, maybe hit the pool!

• 12:00pm — Drive home, lunch

• 1:00pm — 2 year old naps, another work block and any meetings

• 3:00pm — 2 year old wakes up, snacks all around

• 4:00pm — Finish work and clear the inboxes

• 5:00pm — Dinner prep and family time

• 8:00pm — Bedtime, usually fall asleep with the 5 year old, i.e. power nap 1

• 9:00pm — Shower, talk to my wife a bit, take over watching the baby

• 9:30pm — If baby is asleep, work for 30-60 minutes depending on energy

• 10:30pm — Fall asleep for 30 minutes, can’t help it, power nap 2

• 11:00pm — Wake up back, tidy up the kitchen, start dishwasher, change diaper

• 11:30pm — Place baby in bassinet, hope she stays asleep

• 3:00am — Probably woken up by my 5 year old, fall asleep with him

• 6:00am — Sneak out of bed without waking the kids, start over from the top

---

Following this schedule, I work about 4-6 hours during the day and am able to be a big help to my wife. The morning trip to the YMCA is clutch — did you know your kids can play there for up to two hours? This gives me enough time to do a work block and get a little workout in (or nap by the pool). I don’t know what I would do right now without the Y.

Once I go back to work full-time the schedule will be similar, just with less margin. I’ll still take the kids to the Y 3-4 days a week, but without the pool time. Or when I get home it will be a quick lunch then working from 12-5pm. That gives me 2 hours at the Y + 5 hours at home then another hour on the edges of the day.

What I’m focusing on for the next several weeks is that this season of life is a roller coaster and time is very tight. Every minute seems to be accounted for and there’s very little margin. It’s work, it’s big kids, it’s baby, it’s a little sleep. That’s it. There’s no resemblance to my “normal dad” schedule (see below).

There’s a tension that I’m not proud of, in fact it grates at me. There’s real need for my wife and kids to have me around to help. But there’s also a real need for work to be done and money to be made. And making that money is a direct help to the family. But when all the kids are melting down and I have to take a call — man that’s tough.

But that goes back to the communication piece I talked about at the start. If everyone is on the same page — your wife knows you have to take a scheduled call, and your boss/clients know you only take calls between 10:00am and 2:00pm — then even if it’s not easy at least everyone has the same expectations.

If you’re reading this as a new dad, first time or many times, don’t take it as a strict schedule to follow. Take it as encouragement to block time for what you need to do AND clearly communicate with the people around you to set expectations.

Thanks for reading, I’m rooting for you!

Matt